Chapter Five
Mari walked down the side aisle and slid into a pew toward the back of the sanctuary. She had slept through the morning Adult Bible Fellowship hour and thought seriously about not attending the service. But she needed this time of worship, to be in the gathering of fellow believers if just to feel the presence of God around her. True, Christ lived in her, so she was never without Him, but to be surrounded by others who believed the same as her gave her comfort. Even though they had no idea of the struggle she was facing, worshiping in the presence of God and his followers helped lift her spirits as nothing else could.
Slouching in her seat and resting her head on the back of the pew, she closed her eyes and allowed the sounds of the prelude to wash over her, calming her spirit. The avalanche of emotions, coupled with the morning sickness which had attacked with a vengeance this morning, added another layer to the problem of her pregnancy. Those emotions had reached an apex after her fight with Joe Friday afternoon. Mari had gone home afterwards and cried until there had been no tears left. She was exhausted and frustrated and sad and angry and filled with so many other emotions it left her dizzy and nauseous.
As she thought back to Friday evening, Mari had been surprised when she had heard the garage door opening shortly after six Friday evening. Considering the way they had parted company earlier in the day, Mari figured Joe would not bother coming home at all. She was relieved he had come home. Maybe now they would be able to talk calmly. Sitting at the kitchen table, a bowl of cereal in front of her, she watched with trepidation as he entered from the garage. What should she say? Mari wondered. Would he listen? She had opened her mouth to apologize for her behavior at his office but Joe had walked past without sparing a look in her direction. Instead, he had gone immediately up to his newly appointed room without so much as a nod of recognition. There were sounds of him moving around for a short time then the muffled sounds of the small television they had put there for their guests. Joe had not come out of the room Friday evening except for a brief trip to the bathroom leaving Mari hurt and discouraged as she finished her dinner then worked in the den. Saturday morning he went to work early and, although he came home at a decent hour, he was still not acknowledging her presence. His actions were driving her crazy, adding fuel to her irritation. Childish as it was, she stomped around the kitchen Saturday evening, purposefully slamming cupboard doors making sure her irritation was getting across to him.
Now she sat here, in God’s house, filled with remorse. Recent events aside, their marriage had been a joyous journey of discovery for both of them. There had been very few bumps in the road, and the few they had encountered had been small compared to what was happening now. Faced with their first significant trial, Mari felt as if everything she believed about their life together, everything she had worked for, was falling apart around her. Blame shifting would be so easy. Joe was being unreasonable and stubborn, refusing to believe her innocence, refusing to believe in God’s miracle. But her conscious smote her. Mari knew her actions were no better than Joe’s and were totally within her own control, whereas Joe’s thoughts and actions were not. If she expected Joe to be reasonable, she was going to have to be even more so.
When the prelude ended, Mari opened her eyes and stood with the congregation. The first song rose in worship, and Mari added her voice to those around her. One song melded into the next, faster this time, with more guitar and drum. The words touched a chord in Mari. She closed her eyes, spread her hands, and offered her praise to the Lord. The song ended and the congregation was instructed to take their seats.
The announcements were being given when movement in her peripheral vision caught her attention and caused Mari to start. Her husband, clad in a dark gray suit and deep red tie, slid into the pew next to her staring straight ahead. He was very careful not to touch her. Anyone looking at them would not see a problem. But Mari was all too aware if the distance between them. Even so, his presence set her heart beating erratically. He was here, sitting next to her, setting her nerves on edge. She rose and sat and sang at the appropriate times, although if someone had asked her what Pastor Nolan had said in his message, Mari could not have told them. She was so anxious by the end of the service her nerves were stretched almost to the breaking point. When she would have gotten up to join the throng of people making their way out of the Worship Center
“Wait a minute, please” he murmured, immediately taking his hand away.
Not certain of what he wanted, but hoping for the best, Mari stilled in her seat. After a week of minimal communication, she was more than willing to finally discuss the problem despite the location. As people flowed around them, speaking in small groups, greeting each other, Mari and Joe remained quiet. A few acquaintances stopped to greet them on their way out, but Joe did barely more than nod at them, not encouraging anyone to stay and chat. Greg and Marla caught her eye as they descended the steps into the aisle, but she unobtrusively shook her head silently telling them not to come over. She wanted to find out what Joe wanted and was afraid if they came over Joe would feel cornered. When most of the people had moved out of the area, Joe turned his body slightly towards her but avoided direct eye contact.
“I know the way I’m acting is wrong, Mari,” he acknowledged quietly. “I know that. But I don’t know if I can accept this.” His hands gestured widely. “I’m not sure I’m strong enough to accept what is happening and see it through.”
The words pinched at her heart. “What do you want to do?”
“I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t say anything about the baby until it’s obvious. I know that won’t be long,” he commented as his eyes roamed over her body, already seeing the changes despite the skirt and loose top she wore, “but I need the time to come up with some sort of plan.”
“A plan?” she hissed in disbelief, her effort to remain calm and in control flying out the window. “Like what? Do you want me to slink off like some Victorian miss, take a long vacation, disappear until after the baby is born?” Mari’s voice rose with each word, and she fought to keep her escalating anger in check. Hormones had been playing havoc the last few days, and control was iffy at best.
Joe turned fully towards her, body stiff, his face a mask of irritation. “I’m trying Mari!” His voice was low but intense. “The least you could do is cut me some slack. The last thing I want is to start tongues wagging so I’m willing to work on finding a solution to this problem. I have an appointment with Pastor Nolan on Tuesday. I’d rather not argue about this until after I talk to him.”
Mari was silent for a moment. She almost snapped back I’d rather not argue about it at all, since there’s nothing to argue about, but held her tongue with difficulty. Joe considered this pregnancy a problem not a blessing, which hurt on so many levels. Taking a deep breath, she prayed for control. When she felt she could speak without screaming she spoke. “Fine,” she bit out. “I’ll do my best.” She stood abruptly and walked towards the exit, needing to put as much distance between them as possible, but Joe had other ideas. He caught up with her and guided her out the back of the sanctuary, his hand barely touching the small of her back. There were still quite a few people milling around the common area but Joe’s hand was insistent, angling her towards the exit. Although Mari would have preferred to stay in the crowd of people, she went with Joe without argument.
They walked through the steaming parking lot in silence. When they came to her car, Joe reached out, unlocked the door and opened it. “I have some work to do at the office. I’ll try to make it back to church tonight, but don’t wait for me.”
Mari sighed loudly in frustration. Here we go again, she thought. She climbed into the hot car and looked up at Joe. “I would appreciate it if you would try not to avoid me for the next four and a half months, Joe,” she snapped, her temper finally getting the better of her good intentions. Boy, what she wouldn’t do for a nap.
Joe shut the door without comment and walked away. Mari leaned her head back, closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh. At this rate Joe would not have to avoid her. She was doing a fine job of pushing him away. Sitting up, she started the car, throwing the air conditioning on high, and drove through the parking lot. Instead of taking a right and going home, she turned left and headed towards the one person on whom she felt comfortable dumping all her problems.
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