An Unexpected Miracle Chapter

Chapter Twenty

     The week following the holiday dragged for Joe.  Work was work and he had quite a bit of it, but that was the extent of his life and it was beginning to wear on him.  By Thursday afternoon he was ready to call Ray and tell him he was taking some time off.

     “Hey, Joe,” Ray popped his head through Joe’s office door almost as if Joe had somehow telepathically summoned him.  “Tanya and the kids left this morning for Austin to visit her parents for the weekend.  Why don’t you come over tonight and watch the Stars destroy the Wings?”

     “Like that will happen,” Joe scoffed.  He hesitated a moment, unsure of an answer.  In the weeks he had been down in Houston he had deliberately managed to limit any time alone with Ray to only work related issues.  Going to his house to watch a hockey game would provide Ray a golden opportunity to confront Joe about the difference in his personality this trip compared to the last one.  But the desire to unburden himself was too strong to ignore.

     “Sure,” he finally agreed.  “I’ll stop and pick up some wings on my way over.”

     “Just make them mild this time, will ya?  My mouth was burning for a week after the last ones you brought over.”

     Joe smiled.  He was not tremendously fond of super hot wings himself, but Ray had been making fun of his mid-western eating habits.  Eating mega hot buffalo wings was the only way he could think of to prove he could hang with the Texan. 

     They agreed on a time and Ray went back to his office.  Joe placed a phone order for the wings on his way out of the office.  Driving through rush hour traffic left him feeling tense.  Arriving home, he dropped his coat on the end of the couch, breathing a sigh of relief that he had made plans tonight.  One more night alone in this apartment might send him right over the edge.  His own company was definitely beginning to wear on him.  The loneliness of this separation from Marilee was tearing him apart.

     Unable to stop himself, he shifted his gaze to the phone to check for messages.  Mari had not called since he had been here, so Joe was not surprised to find the only message from the dry cleaners telling him his suits were ready.  Disappointment gnawed at his belly, irritating him.  Why did he expect to hear from his wife when they had parted so badly?  He had told her he needed time to think without her being around.  He bit back a sigh before walking back to the bedroom to change his clothes.

     It was a short ride to Ray’s from his apartment, which was a blessing.  His mind was whirling already and if he spent any more time wondering what Mari was doing he was going to drive himself crazy.  Ray and the game would be a welcome distraction from himself, as long as Ray did not decide to probe.  Yeah, like that’s going to happen, he grimaced to himself as he strode up the walkway.

     Ray greeted him cheerfully at the front door when Joe knocked.   He glanced down at the bag Joe held, hesitating before he reached out to grab it.

     Joe grinned.  “It doesn’t bite, Ray,” he laughed.  “It won’t burn either.  I got mild kookaburra wings from Outback.”

     “Good,” Ray sighed in relief.  “My stomach and I thank you.”

     Ray deposited the bag on the coffee table in the family room and gestured towards a chair.  “What will you have to drink?” he asked as he headed into the kitchen.

     “Just give me a Coke,” Joe called, taking two boxes of wings out of the bag.  He pulled the coffee table closer to the couch and sat back.  A glass of Coke appeared over his shoulder followed by Ray. 

      Aiming the remote at the television, Ray settled back on the couch with a plate of wings in his lap.  He sighed in contentment, grinning at Joe.  “This feels good.  Work has been a bear lately, hasn’t it?”

       Joe paused, a wing half way to his mouth.  “I haven’t noticed anything different.  What’s up?”

       “Nothing a bit of time and a lot of patience won’t handle.  I have a couple of jumpy clients.  They expect miracles and I can’t give them one.”

       “What do they want?”

       “They want life to be perfect.  They want all their problems solved instantaneously without any work on their part.  I’ve had to tell them a few things they did not want to hear.”

       “I bet they loved that.”

       “Yeah.  As a Christian I know I should be compassionate and non-judgmental, but they are driving me nuts with their reasons why they did what they did.  It’s been a real test this week.”

       Joe averted his eyes.  A wave of guilt hit him.  He was so caught up in his own little world of anger and hurt that he was not even aware that a man he claimed as a friend was struggling so much.  Not that Joe could do anything for him.  How could he give advice when he was trying to deal with his own problems?

       Ray watched his friend closely.  He knew there was something bothering Joe.  His very presence in Houston attested to the fact there was a problem back in Michigan that was obviously eating at him.  Joe was normally a pretty friendly guy, but this time he was almost sullen.  Determined to find out what was causing this uncharacteristic anger, Ray decided directness was his only course.

       “So what is this problem that has you so torn up, Joe?” he asked bluntly.

     “Mari’s pregnant.” The words were torn out of him in a voice rife with pain and anger.

     “And that’s a problem?”

     “I had the mumps when I was in high school and it left me sterile.  If Mari is pregnant, the baby can’t be mine.”

     “You’re sure about that?”

     Joe jumped up, wing box flying.  “What do you mean, am I sure?  Of course I’m sure.”

     “Relax.  I’m just trying to get the details, Joe.  By the way you’re acting you obviously weren’t going through artificial insemination.”

     “No.  My doctor didn’t think it was worth it.”  Joe sank back down on the couch, the sudden surge of adrenaline leaving him limp with exhaustion.

     “So you think there’s someone else?”

     “She denies it, but there’s no other explanation.  We’ve been married ten years and never once used protection.”  He looked over at Ray.  “She told me she was pregnant the day I got home from Houston in August.  I worked a lot after that.  One day I saw a man leaving our house.  I assume it was the father.  Mari must have invited him over thinking I wouldn’t be the wiser.”

     “Did you ask her about it?”

     “Why?  I saw what I saw.  No explanations were needed.”

     Ray sat back.  Definite problems.  “I’m sorry, Joe.”

     “Not your fault.  I shouldn’t have spent so much time away from home.”

     “You talked to her every day.  Did she resent your time away that much?”

     “I didn’t think so.  But then again, you never know.”  His voice lowered.  “She must have gotten pregnant right after I left.”

     “That soon?  Did she have a one night stand or was it something longer?”

     “I have no idea.  I just know that she’s having a baby that isn’t mine and I have no idea what to do about it.”

     “What do you want to do about it,” Ray asked.

     “I don’t think I can handle raising some other man’s kid,” Joe announced.  He grimaced when he heard those words come out of his mouth.  It was his dad all over again.

     Ray flipped off the television and turned to Joe.  “Think carefully, Joe,” he warned.  “Don’t cut ties with Mari out of hurt or anger.”  He looked Joe straight in the eyes.  “See that picture there?” he asked Joe, pointing to a frame on the end table next to the couch.  “That’s my daughter Eliza,” he started. 

     “What about her?” Joe prompted when it did not appear Ray was going to finish.

     Taking a long, deep breath Ray said, “She isn’t mine.”

     “What do you mean by that?  She looks just like you.”

     “No, Joe, she doesn’t.  People see that because they believe that we are father and daughter.  But Eliza is not my biological daughter.”  When Joe only looked at him in confusion Ray went on.  “Tanya and I had some real problems when we were first married.  We weren’t Christians and tried to solve our differences in ways that make me shudder when I think about them now.”  He closed his eyes against the pain the memories caused.  “Things were so tough I had an affair shortly after we were married, just to relieve the stress of having to go home to my wife,” he admitted.  “Tanya’s idea of all’s fair made her go out and do the same.  It was just a one night stand and within a week of that happening we actually decided we would try to save our marriage.  But she got pregnant.  When she found out she was horrified and so ashamed.  She tried to kill herself.  That’s when we came to know Christ.  One of the nurses on her floor sat down and prayed for her, prayed for us.  I had never known peace before, but she was so peaceful.  I wanted it.  Tanya wanted it. 

     “When Tanya was able to go home, we found a church, found a pastor to counsel us.  The baby was large in her by then and such a reminder of what she, we, had done.  But I loved my wife and we worked hard at rebuilding our relationship.  Tanya hadn’t done anything that I hadn’t done, but the consequences for her were so much more.  God had forgiven me my sin, how could I hold anything Tanya had done against her when I was part of the reason she sinned in the first place? 

     “But still I struggled because deep inside I resented that baby.  Up until the day Eliza was born I resented her.  But when I saw my wife struggle to bring that new life into the world, when that little infant was laid in my arms, I cried out to God for forgiveness.  Eliza had not done a thing to deserve my hatred of her.  That day I promised her I would be the father she needed me to be because she was mine, maybe not of my body, but of my heart.”

     Ray sat back, energy spent.  He had not told that story to many people, but he knew the Holy Spirit was urging him to share it with Joe, who was now grappling with the same emotions Ray had lived through years ago.  When he looked up, Joe was staring at him.  His eyes were cloudy, rife with emotion.

     “How did you live through that?”

     “By the grace of God, and only by His grace.”

 

     “Marilee Rose Conley!”

     Mari was just about to put her knee on the counter when her boss’s shriek startled her so much she had to grab hold of the shelf in front of her to keep from falling backwards.  “Geez,” she cried, putting her free hand on her heart.  “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” she demanded when she turned her head to glare at Greg.

     “I might ask you the same question,” he retorted as he came over and plucked her off her perch, setting her firmly on the floor.  “Next time you decide to go climbing on rolling chairs, don’t.”

     “I was perfectly fine until you came in here screeching like a banshee.”

     “You’re eight months pregnant, woman!  You aren’t exactly balanced, and right now I mean that both physically and mentally,” Greg growled, glaring down at his recalcitrant research assistant.

     “I admit I’m a little more cumbersome than I used to be, but I’m perfectly capable of getting what I need.”

     “A little more cumbersome?  Mari—you’re the size of a Volkswagon and about as tall.”

     Her eyes narrowed dangerously.  “Would you care to rephrase that?”

     Greg ignored her.  “No.”  When she stalked towards him he backed up defensively.  “Okay, maybe you are a little taller.”  He put his hands up to ward her off.  “The point is, you can’t be climbing on things as unstable as a rolling lab chair.  In fact, I don’t care if it’s a stepping stool.  You should not be climbing on things, period.  You’ll fall and hurt yourself or the baby.”

     The fact Mari knew he was right did not make it any easier to give in, although she did, albeit rather ungraciously.  Greg did not care.  He had just won a major concession and was pleased with his victory.  Now if he could just get her to take longer lunch hours and shorter days and rest, but that was a battle for another time.

     “Let’s go get some lunch,” he suggested.  “I’ll treat.”

     “You always treat and you know it.”

     “Yeah, makes me feel macho.”

     “You’re such a goof,” Mari smiled.  She slipped into the coat Greg was holding for her.  “Just for that, you can take me to Majestic.  I’m craving a chicken ceaser salad.”

     “Walk or drive?” Greg asked as they stepped into the elevator.

     “Will you be annoyed if I say drive?  My feet are killing me.”

     Greg hid his worry.  “Not a problem.  I even promise not to give you a hard time about being lazy.”

     “Gee, thanks.”

     “Any time.”

     Lunch passed pleasantly.  They discussed Greg’s current research project and some of the experiments that might be of benefit.  Greg watched her unobtrusively as they talked, noticing the dark circles under her hazel eyes and the sadness that lurked there.  When the meal was over and they drove back to the Research Center, Greg pulled his car in behind Mari’s.  She looked at him questioningly.  “Go home,” he ordered.  She would have protested, but Greg silenced her with a hand over her mouth.  “You’re tired.  You need more rest, and Marla is harping on me to harp on you.  So now you’re duly harped.”

     “My stuff is in the lab.”

     “You have your purse, that’s all you need since you’re not going to think about work when you go home.”

     “Is that an order?”

     “Of course it is.  What’s the use of having a doctorate if I can’t boss someone around?”

     “One of these days, Dr. Wilson, I’m going to get a doctorate of my own.  Then what are you going to do?”

     “I’m so worried,” he shuddered dramatically, hand over his heart.

     “Oh stop!  I’ll go home like a good little girl, and maybe even take a nap.”

     “You do that.  If you need anything, give me a call.”

     “Thanks, Greg,” Mari said as she opened the door.  She leaned her head back in.  “For everything.”

     “What are friends for?”  When Mari had gotten into her car, Greg backed up letting her out.  He pulled into her spot.  “Yes,” he whispered, “what are friends for?”

     When Greg went back up to his office, he sat for a few minutes deep in thought.  He had allowed Joe almost two months to come to his senses, but time was running out for Mari.  The baby was due in a month.  Sitting up resolutely, he turned to his computer and began typing.

     “Come home you moron,” Joe read the subject line of the email from Greg and smiled despite himself.  Greg was generally a very tactful person, but he did not mince words when he considered it necessary.  It was one of the reasons Joe liked him so much.  But Joe could not come home.  Not yet. 

     He had finally broken down and told Ray about his marital problems just yesterday.  Ray had been sympathetic but had told him without mincing words that running away was not going to solve the dilemma he faced.  Ray offered the counsel of his pastor, but Joe refused.  He was not ready to deal with his own failings as a husband just yet.  It was easier to keep placing all the blame on Mari.

     The body of Greg’s email pierced him.  “She needs you,” he had written.  What that meant Joe really did not know and was not sure he wanted to.  It raised so many questions.  Did it mean that her lover had left her just as his mother’s lover had left her?   Was she missing Joe as much as he missed her?  Was she still sick?

      Joe groaned, not wanting to worry about Mari, but unable to stop it.  She’s a grown woman, he told himself.  She made her choices and now she has to live with the consequences.  But he acknowledged to himself that at least one of those choices was thrust on her.  She had not planned on Joe leaving.  There are people there to take care of her, his inner voice insisted.  They had many friends who would be there for her.  But his conscience kept reminding him that taking care of his wife was his responsibility.

     He hit the reply button, typed the words “Not yet,” and hit send.  He left the office and went back to his apartment.  After making himself dinner, he sat at the breakfast bar where he ate alone, again.

     When dinner was done and the few dishes stacked in the dishwasher Joe picked up his Bible from the breakfast bar where it sat, and retreated to the couch.  His Bible reading had been sporadic at best over the last couple months.  Where once the truths had given him comfort, now they just seemed to mock him.  The shock of Mari’s announcement and the fallout that followed had turned Joe away from the faith that had once given him comfort.  He felt abandoned by the One he was supposed to be able to count on.  Flipping the book open to the Psalms he began to read.  He echoed David’s cry for refuge from his troubles, and for the first time in what seemed like such a long time he felt a faint flicker of peace.  Hours later when his eyelids began to droop he laid the book down on his chest and drifted into a dreamless sleep.

     A loud thud woke Joe with a start.  He jerked into a sitting position, heart racing, to see his Bible lying on the floor.   His reached down to grab it and noticed a folded sheet of paper had fallen out of the book.  Picking it up, he opened it, seeing the note from his wife, dated the day before he left for Houston in April.

     “Joe,” the crisp, clean lines of her writing stated, “I wish you didn’t have to go.  I miss you more and more every time you leave for a business trip.  But I do understand that the work has to be done so don’t feel guilty about leaving.  I’ll be waiting at home with open arms when you get back.  Love always, Mari.”  He remembered reading that note on the plane trip down to Houston in April and had called his wife the second the flight attendant said they could use their cell phones.  The couple had spoken for a long time, long enough for the flight attendant to have to prompt Joe out of his seat so they could ready the plane for the next flight.

     It did not sound like a note from someone cheating on her spouse, but Joe supposed it could have been just a good cover.  Setting the note and his Bible on the coffee table Joe went to bed, praying he would be able to sleep.

Chapter Nineteen

     Gretchen and Marla appeared on Mari’s doorstep bright and early the following morning, ready to shop.

     “Paint first,” Marla declared as they got into her minivan.  “We decide on a color, call the guys, and they go pick it up.  Then we can get all the fun things for the room.”

     “Do you have a crib yet, Mari?” Gretchen asked, turning to face Mari who was seated in the back.

     “Not yet.  I suppose I should get that pretty soon.  I’m not expecting to be early, but you never know.”

     Marla stopped at a red light.  Looking in the rearview mirror, she eyed Mari speculatively.  “I haven’t seen anything that indicates you’ll be early, but you’re right.  You never know.”

     “I have an idea of what I want.  I saw something at Target, actually.”

     “Okay.  We’ll go pick out the paint, then run over there and pick up the crib.  The guys will be at your house later painting so they can carry the crib in the house when we get home.” 

     Gretchen rubbed her stomach.  “I’m hungry,” she announced.  “Junior needs to eat.”

     “And what exactly does Junior want?” Marla questioned, a smile on her face.

     “Junior wants a double bacon cheeseburger with lots of pickles.”  Gretchen grinned.  “But mom would settle for a toasted cinnamon bagel with cream cheese from Panera Bread.”

     The three women made a quick food stop, then continued on to the paint store.  There were so many colors to choose from, Mari had a difficult time selecting a shade, but finally decided on bright yellow walls with other bright primary colors for the trim and other accents.

     After the paint store they stopped at Target.  Mari headed to the children’s section where she had seen the crib earlier that week. 

     “We usually don’t even carry the cribs here,” an associate told her, as Mari peered into the display.  “The manager’s wife ordered this one online, then changed her mind.  We normally would have just returned it to the warehouse Larry thought it would be easier to just sell here so he set it up hoping someone would buy it quickly.”

     “And here I am,” Mari said.  “What do you guys think?” she asked, turning to her friends.

     Marla and Gretchen walked around the crib.  It was white, and rather plain looking, but very elegant.  “I like it,” Marla announced and Gretchen nodded.

     The associate and another worker dismantled the display as Mari, Marla and Gretchen wandered the rest of the store.  Mari added a couple of baby items to the cart, then the women headed to the front of the store to pay.  In short order, the crib was loaded into the minivan and the women climbed in.

     “I saw a really cute crib set at Penny’s that would go well with the colors I chose,” Mari said as they were driving out of the Target parking lot. 

     “Do you want to stop and pick it up?” Marla asked.  “The mall’s right here.”

     “Yeah, let’s do that.”

     “Hey, while we’re here, can we go to the maternity store?” Gretchen asked.  “I need some clothes.”

     “More?  You have a whole closet full.”  Marla said.  “And you just announced you were pregnant less than a week ago.”

     “I know.  Glen was so excited when I told him I was pregnant.  After the last miscarriage I got rid of all my clothes.  This time the pregnancy felt different and I was so sure I would carry the baby to term that he insisted I go out and buy as much as I wanted.  But Glen’s taking me to see A Christmas Carol next week, and I want something spectacular to wear.”

     “I could use something, too,” Mari piped up.  “Greg keeps commenting that ‘he’s seen that outfit before’.  Plus, I’m pretty close to outgrowing just about everything I have.”

     “Now that you mention it,” Marla grinned.

     “Are you commenting about my girth?” Mari demanded.

     “Now that you mention it,” Marla repeated.

     Mari reached over the seat and smacked her in the back of the head.  “My doctor told me I was looking great.”

     “And you are.  You’re just large!”

     “Is that bad,” Mari worried suddenly.

     “Not a bit.  The fact that you’re small to begin with just makes you look bigger.  Now Gretchen here…”

“Hey, leave me out of this.”

     Marla laughed.  “Just teasing.”  She pulled up to the valet parking.  “Three pregnant women should not be walking through this parking lot with all the insane drivers out the day after Thanksgiving,” she declared as she handed the keys to the attendant.  The three of them walked into the mall giggling.  People turned to look and watch as they walked through the food court laughing. 

     Two hours later, laden with an assortment of shopping bags, they were ready to head back to Mari’s house and put things away.  They joked about all they had purchased most of the way home.  When they pulled into the drive, Glen and Greg pulled in behind them.

     “What have you been doing?” Glen exclaimed, leaning over the side of the car to see the bags piled in the back of the minivan. 

     “I needed a few things, honey,” Gretchen grinned at her husband.

     He eyed the bags speculatively.  “How much of this is going home with us?” he wondered.

     “Oh, not too much,” Gretchen assured him as she pulled bag after bag out of Marla’s vehicle.  Glen groaned but did not comment again as he transferred the bags to his car.

     “Now,” Marla directed, when everything else was dealt with.  “We bought a crib, which needs to be taken upstairs.”

     Greg and Glen unloaded the crib and Mari’s purchases and took them up to the room Mari had chosen for the nursery.  “We did the preliminary work this morning and were able to get one coat on, so we’ll finish painting.  You guys go downstairs and relax for a while and we’ll call you when we’re done,” Glen shooed them out of the room. 

     A few hours later Greg called them up.  Mari gasped with pleasure when she saw the room.  The walls were bright yellow, with the bright blue trim around the door and bright green around the closet.  The window frames were done in red.  On each of the frames Glen had used yellow paint to write Bible verses.  He also used blue, green and red to paint an interesting geometric pattern on one of the walls.  Greg had put the crib together and it sat against the far wall.  The changing table that Glen and Gretchen had purchased earlier was against the other wall.  The men had added a couple of shelves to the wall which were also painted in bold colors. 

     “This is wonderful,” she cried, a huge smile on her face.  “I never knew you two were this creative.”

     “One of my hidden talents,” Glen boasted.

     “But what if it’s a girl?” she asked, referring to the baseball glove and football sitting on one of the shelves.

     “Not a problem.  You play, don’t you?” Greg questioned.

     “Yeah.  Well, I did, anyway.”

     Gretchen popped her head in, looking over Mari’s shoulder.  “Wow!  I can’t wait to get started on our baby’s room.” She said, eyeing Glen.

     “Well, it’ll have to wait a little bit.  We have other things that have to get finished first,” Glen commented, referring to their kitchen which had been in one state of construction or another for the last three months.

The men brought in the bags of baby items from the impromptu baby shower plus Mari’s purchases from that day and stashed them in the closet for Mari to take care of another time.

     “I can’t thank you guys enough,” Mari said as they were getting ready to leave.  “The room looks great.”

     “Yeah, we know we’re good,” Gretchen laughed.  “Now take me home, James, I need to put my feet up.”  Glen ushered her out the door, with Greg and Marla following, laughing. 

     “I can relate to that,” Marla sympathized, as Greg helped her into the car.  “If they feel like this after just a couple months, how are they going to feel when I’m eight months?”

     “A lot worse,” Mari laughed.  She waved to her friends as they drove away.  Going back into the house, Mari climbed the stairs to look into her baby’s nursery.  Greg and Glen had really done an outstanding job.  Everything was ready, waiting for her to sort through the baby items and put them away.  She went back to her own room and grabbed an item from the top of her dresser then went back to the baby’s room.  She set the small stuffed bunny in the crib, its ears flopping over. 

     “This is a gift from your daddy,” she whispered.  “He’s not here right now, but he will be some day.”  She rubbed her hand over her stomach and the baby kicked.  “He’s afraid of you, I think,” she told the moving bulge.  “He just needs some time, baby, then he’ll be home.”  A tear dripped down her cheek to land with a plop on to her bulging stomach.  “At least I hope he will.”  Forcing the rest of the tears from her eyes, Mari turned and moved out of the room.

     So much had been accomplished on Friday that Mari told her friends not to bother coming back when Marla called on Saturday morning to find out what time Mari wanted her and Gretchen there.  Marla made a token protest, but Mari remembered how tired she had been at that stage of her pregnancy and told her in no uncertain terms to just stay home.

     “What are you planning on doing?” Marla asked.

     “I’m going to decorate for Christmas today, I think.  I have some extra energy from somewhere and it seems a shame to waste it.”

     Marla agreed that she should do what she could while she still had the ambition to do it.  “What about the Christmas tree?”

     “I’m having one delivered.  I feel so decadent!  But there was no way I was going to drag a Christmas tree in the house when I can barely drag myself around.  And I really didn’t want to bother Greg or Glen again.  They worked so hard yesterday.  The nursery said they would be here in about an hour.”

     “Well, have fun,” Marla told her.  “Don’t work too hard and take a lot of rest breaks.”

     “Yes, doctor,” Mari laughed.

     “Don’t you forget that, missy.  I spent a lot of time and money on that degree.”  Marla said goodbye then hung up.

     Mari spent the time before the delivery truck came bringing up the Christmas decorations from the basement.  When the men came with the tree they took one look at her swollen belly and happily agreed to put it up in the great room for her.  They also volunteered to put up the greenery she had asked for, but she told them she would take care of that herself.  After they put up the tree Mari tipped them generously and sent them on their way with a “Merry Christmas”.

     Looking up at the huge tree in her great room, a smile spread across Mari’s face.  She loved this time of year.  Celebrating her Savior’s birth always gave her such a peaceful feeling.  Mari was determined to go all out this year, her baby’s first Christmas in a way.  The baby might not actually be here yet but Mari planned to have gifts wrapped for him or her just as she would have gifts wrapped for Joe despite his absence.  She had already purchased ornaments for both of them and would hang them in a place of prominence on the tree.

     With Christmas carols playing in the background, Mari spent the next few hours decorating the tree.  She put on as many lights as she possibly could then hung the ornaments.  Working her way around the tree, Mari carefully placed each ornament making sure it faced exactly how she wanted it.  After that was finished, she draped icicles over the branches and then added candy canes.   

     When she was done Mari stepped back to admire her work.  It was probably the best tree she had ever decorated.  “For you Joe,” she whispered as she hung one last ornament, the one they had bought their first Christmas together.  Giving it a loving touch, she moved over to the other side of the room, plopping down in a chair.  She sat there for almost half an hour, just staring at the lights on the tree, before she began to work on the rest of the house.  Mari stopped briefly to grab a sandwich then continued on.  It took her most of the day before she was satisfied the way the house looked.

     Standing in the foyer, Mari breathed in the smell of fresh pine.  The house was almost perfect, she decided.  Greenery hung from the mirror in the foyer and around the door frames leading to the living room and den.  The table where she would normally drop all her junk now held a miniature Dickens village.  Pine roping circled the ceiling in the living room and also in the great room.  It draped around the mantel of the fireplace of the great room where two large stockings hung from snowflake stocking hangers at either end.  A miniature version of their stockings hung at one side of the fireplace, next to Joe’s.  On the mantel tall white candles stood in crystal holders surrounded by small wreaths decorated with pinecones and holly.  Lights twinkled from within the needles of the pine on the mantel and also from that placed around the ceiling.

     Mari turned off the room lights, leaving just the lights of the tree and greenery glowing.  She fixed herself a cup of hot cocoa and sat on the floor in front of the couch, facing the Christmas tree.  Carols still played softly in the background and Mari hummed along as she sipped the hot brew.  The lights and soft sounds were soothing and soon her eyelids began to droop.  She sat her cup on the side table and grabbed a pillow and throw off the couch.  Lying down Mari curled on her side and fell into a deep sleep.

     The dream came again.  Mari was in the nursery sitting in a rocking chair, a baby in her arms.  Joe was standing in the doorway.  When Mari looked up Joe backed away from the door.  Clouds came up and obscured him from view until he was no longer in her range of vision.  Mari strained to see him through the mist but it was impossible to make him out.  She rose with the baby in her arms and followed him but became lost in the swirling fog.  Taking one arm away from the baby she blindly reached out, then felt the baby slip from her grasp.  Crying, she made a desperate grab but was not able to hold on and lost the baby in the mist.  Mari fell to her knees, tears streaming down her face, screaming for her child and her husband.

     Waking with a jerk, Mari sat up straight her face covered in tears, gasping for breath.  She had lost them both, Joe and the baby.  Oh Lord, she cried in her heart, please don’t let that happen, please let me have both.  She fought to steady her breathing and rubbed a hand over her belly.  The baby was very active, probably due to the stress Mari was feeling. 

Struggling to her feet Mari made her way into the kitchen and pulled a glass out of the dishwasher.  She filled it with water and took a long sip in the hope the normality of the action would calm her nerves.  Although she knew it was just a dream, it was so unsettling.  She loved this baby.  She loved her husband.  Did she have to choose between the two?  Well, there was no choice really, now that she thought about it.  Joe was gone.  The choice was no longer hers to make.

     Saturday evening after Thanksgiving found Joe meandering down a street filled with jostling Christmas shoppers in an area of Houston known for its specialty stores.  He had worked all day at the office, just as he had yesterday.  It proved to be an exercise in futility since it did not take his mind off his absent wife.  How could he care so much for a woman who had cheated on him with another man, Joe wondered to himself.  Was he really so desperate for love?  But his feelings for Mari were as strong as ever and the distance between them did nothing to change that.  He was weak, he knew, and tried hard to overcome the feelings of love bursting to come out.  His father’s words rushed through his head.  “You’re a fool to still love a woman like that,” he had said.  “A woman like that can’t be trusted.”  Joe still had not quite figured out what kind of woman his dad was talking about because after speaking with him it was obvious he did not trust any woman.

     Coming to a stop Joe peered through the shop window in front of him.  It was full of toys, prominent among them a toy train.  As the train sped around the tracks a flash from his boyhood came back to him.  He and his dad were lying on the living room floor, laughing, watching as a train much like the one in the window chugged along a set of metal tracks.  It ran around the Christmas tree and under the coffee table before coming to a stop in front of a wide eyed four year old Joe.  He remembered his dad turning over and smiling up at his wife, Joe’s mother, grabbing her wrist and pulling her down on top of him. 

     “Come join us, baby,” he had crooned making his mother laugh as he rolled her between him and Joe.  The three of them had watched the train for a long time.  The last thing Joe recalled was his mom and dad taking him to his room and tucking him into bed.  A good memory, Joe thought.  When had things gone bad?

     Turning from the window he began to stroll aimlessly.  Going over his childhood, Joe tried to pinpoint when his parents began to drift apart.  He was pretty sure it did not happen suddenly.  That Christmas when he was four had been great.  The following spring his dad began spending more time at work, more time traveling.  At first his mom appeared to accept this new schedule, but as Dennis spent more and more time away, Joyce began moping around the house, often crying at night when she thought Joe was sleeping.  Joe remembered a lot of arguments when he was young, although he could not recall what they were about, just that they were very loud.  As he focused his mind back snippets of arguments came back to him, one in particular.  His father was yelling that they did not need another kid, his mother tearfully responding that if she could not have her husband then he should at least give her another child to love.  That, Joe decided, appeared to be the beginning of the end. 

     Things changed after that particular argument.  There were no more arguments, for one thing.  For another, his mother also began spending more time away from home, leaving Joe home alone many times.  This went on for probably two years before “it” happened.  Joe’s dad came home from one of his extended business trips to celebrate Joe’s birthday.  His mother cornered him just after the guests left.  Joe had been in the kitchen grabbing a can of soda when he heard them.  He moved over to the doorway and listened as his mother told his dad she was pregnant.  Total silence followed that announcement.  Joe’s dad pushed past her, heading to their room.   He came out with a suitcase, left the house and never returned. 

     Joe stumbled to a stop.  That was the end.  Within two weeks his mother was in the hospital, having lost the baby she wanted so badly.  Joe was left with the neighbor as his dad did not come back.  When his mom came home, she was different.  No more smiles for Joe.  No more smiles period.  She retreated into herself, shutting out Joe.  Although she performed basic household chores, she rarely spoke.  She took her meals in front of the television, leaving Joe to eat alone.   As the years went by, she drifted farther and farther away into her own world, until Joe was so frustrated and angry he began to place the blame for the breakup of their family on her.  Why was he not good enough for his mother? 

     Somehow Joe did not think he would ever get the answer to that question since his mother was dead and his dad was so bitter he refused to speak about his ex-wife in any reasonable manner.  His mind went back to his talks with Pastor Mark.  Could he actually forgive his mother without knowing the why of what she did?  He supposed he could press his dad for the real truth since Joe was under no compunctions by this time that his dad was faultless.  But Joe had no desire to talk to the man.  He had said some very nasty things about Marilee and the man did not even know her.  Joe felt sorry for his dad’s wife if that was how he spoke about all women.

     Joe made his way back to his rental car.  On his way back to his apartment, he spent the time in thought but his mind was just too confused.  What to do, what to do?  He had no answers by the time he reached his apartment.

An Unexpected Miracle Chapter 18.2

     Thanksgiving had been a disaster.  Joe slouched in his chair at the dining room table and picked at a turkey leg that was dry and tasteless.  Determined to have a normal Thanksgiving dinner, Joe had purchased everything he thought a normal Thanksgiving feast consisted of and set about making dinner.  Unfortunately, his cooking skills had always been suspect, enough so that Mari had rarely allowed him alone in the kitchen except for making coffee and occasionally breakfast.  Not wanting to give himself food poisoning, he had over cooked the turkey, but had undercooked the potatoes.  Then to top things off he burned the biscuits.  Mari always made cooking seem easy and was happy to make their meals.  All Joe had to do was help carry the stuff to the table and eat.

     Grimacing at the unappetizing food on his fork, Joe threw it back on his plate.  He had been invited to several homes for Thanksgiving dinner but had declined.  Most of the invitations had been pity invitations because his co-workers felt sorry for him, being away from his family at the holidays.  The other invitations had been from single women, who made it clear they would do more than cook for him and did not seem to mind the fact that Joe wore a wedding ring on his left hand. 

     Instead of accepting any invitation, Joe chose to stay at his apartment and wallow in self-pity.  This is all Mari’s fault, he told himself as he pushed away from the table.  He stalked over to the French doors leading to the balcony and went out.  She’s ruined everything.  This is your own fault and you know it, a voice whispered in his head.  He tried to block it out as he did on most nights, but tonight it would not be silenced.  His inner voice was right.  I’m as much to blame as she is, Joe thought.  I could have told her to get a DNA test and found out for sure who the baby belonged to.  But Joe had not wanted confirmation.  He wanted to be angry with Mari.  He wanted to believe that Mari was like his mother.

     Joe had no idea why he would choose to believe something so vile about the woman he loved.  He lifted his head and stared into the night sky.  Was he really as bitter as his Dad?  Feeling lonely, Joe had called his dad a few weeks ago and told him what had happened.  Of course, Dennis Conley had not even known Joe was married, but that did not stop him from asserting that since most women were scheming liars anyway, Joe had no doubt married someone just like his mother.  Dennis was into his third marriage now, but even after so many years, he still harbored a lot of bitterness against his former wife and had not been afraid to share her shortcomings with his son.  Joe had cut him off in the middle of his ranting and told his dad that he had to go.

     Picking up the soda he had taken out with him, Joe took a long drink.  It had been years since Joe had spoken with his dad.  A call here and there while he was growing up, then just after his eighteenth birthday, Joe’s dad had come to see him only to tell him that he was remarrying.  During that all too brief meeting, Dennis Conley had spent the majority of the time slamming his first wife.  The rest of the time he spent telling Joe how hard things had been since he left.  Joe had been angry enough at his mother not to stop the diatribe.  But he was also angry with his father for leaving him, so had not added much to the conversation.  After an awkward twenty minutes, Dennis left.  Since then Joe had not spoken more than a few words with his father.

     Until tonight, Joe had never picked up on the fact that his father was using his ex-wife as the reason behind his difficult life.  The problems in his life he related back to his wife and her deception.  It was her fault he could not relate to his second ex-wife or the child he had with her.  His voice was filled with bitterness and anger and Joe had been relieved to hang up with him. 

     Is that what happens when forgiveness isn’t given? Joe wondered.  Does one become angry and bitter and shift the blame to others?  Did he really want to go through life as a bitter man, or did he want to move on and create a new life for himself?  And what exactly did moving on consist of?  Did he forgive his wife and go back to raise a child that may or may not be his, or did he divorce her and find someone else to share his life with?  As a Christian he knew his responsibility to his wife.  When, or if a voice prompted, she broke those vows did that responsibility stop?  Infidelity was a Biblical reason for divorce, but reconciliation was always the first choice.  Did Joe want to reconcile with Mari?  Could he reconcile with her knowing the reminder of infidelity would always be in front of him?

     When no definitive answer to the questions plaguing him came, Joe retreated to bed in the hopes that sleep would give him the release he desired.