Chapter Three
When Mari awoke the next morning, it was to a sense of disquiet. She rolled to her side, pressing a hand to her stomach. Had yesterday happened? Was it just a bad dream? The other side of the king bed was empty, mocking her. Normally she and Joe rose together, started the day with prayer, then prepared for the rest of their day. Reaching a hand over to feel the coldness of Joe’s side of the bed, Mari wondered if he had come home last night. She dragged herself out of bed and padded down the hall to peek into the guest room. It was in total disarray. Shirts were tossed over the chair, pants thrown over the bedcover. Other personal items were scattered around the room, but Joe was not there, and by the absence of his briefcase she guessed he was not in the house.
Feeling tense and depressed, Mari headed back to the master bedroom. Even if he had been home, Mari had no idea what to say to him. There was really no way to force Joe to accept the reality of the situation. Getting angry at him would not change anything, although screaming at the top of her lungs might possibly make her feel better. Rather then giving into the hysteria bubbling just below the surface, she showered and dressed before grabbing some crackers from the kitchen and heading out the door. Her doctor’s appointment was scheduled for ten and she did not want to be late. Marla had done a lot of rearranging to fit her into her list when she found out it was Mari making the appointment.
“What brings you in here?” Marla greeted her with a smile, shutting the exam room door behind her. Marla was a tall woman, almost able to look her husband eye to eye. Dressed in dark skirt and red blouse covered by a white lab coat, her chocolate brown hair pulled up in a smart French twist, she looked very professional, but still much younger than her thirty-six years. She and Greg Wilson had been newly married when Mari began working for Greg. When Marla opened her own practice Mari had switched to Marla as her primary care physician. “Is the world ending?” When an immediate and snappy answer was not forthcoming, Marla’s dark brown eyes narrowed in worry and she gazed intently at her friend. “What is it, Mari?”
Hazel eyes filled and tears slowly dripped down Marilee’s cheeks. “Marla, I think I’m pregnant,” she whispered, watching as Marla’s eyes grew wide and her mouthed formed a huge O.
“How can you be pregnant, Mari?” The Conleys and Wilsons had become close friends over the years. Marla knew Joe’s history of infertility.
Through her tears, Mari described her symptoms, telling Marla everything, from thinking she had the flu, to the conversation in the elevator, to the home pregnancy test and finally Joe’s return from Houston
“Well, those home pregnancy tests are fairly reliable, Mari. There aren’t very many false positives that I’m aware of. But we’ll do another test anyway.” She called for a nurse to come in and draw some blood. After carefully labeling the vial, the nurse and Marla left the room to give Mari some privacy as she changed. Mari undressed and covered herself with the paper gown Marla had left out for her. A short time later the doctor returned.
“I’ll do a physical examination to see if maybe there’s something else going on.” After several minutes of rather uncomfortable poking and prodding, Marla lowered the paper gown. Stripping off her gloves, she washed her hands at the small sink then picked up the chart the nurse had slipped in the room. She looked up at Mari. “You’re definitely pregnant,” Marla confirmed, blue eyes compassionate. She gave Mari her hand, helping her into a sitting position. “After the exam and all you’ve told me I would guess about four and a half months. An ultrasound will give us a better understanding of exactly when you’re due.” Putting her arms around Mari’s shoulders she hugged her friend.
“What about a paternity test, Marla? Can that be done?”
“We can do a prenatal paternity test if you’d like but you need to know there are some risks involved. We can do an amniocentesis but there is a slight possibility of miscarriage.”
Mari shook her head. “I never thought I would be pregnant, Marla. I don’t want to take any chances on losing the baby.”
“It’s not a big risk, and for a woman your age, an amnio is often done anyway.”
“I’m only thirty-four, Marla. Is it really necessary for me to do that?”
“You’re thirty-four and this is your first pregnancy. Older women have a greater chance of genetic defects. An amnio is used to detect genetic or chromosomal problems with your baby. Do you have any concerns with that?”
“Not really. My family history is fairly straight forward, although I’m not really sure about Joe’s. In the years we’ve been married he has never really mentioned much about his family other than he no longer had one. I suppose I could ask him. I’m just not sure how he’ll take it. Regardless of the test results, I would keep the baby.”
“There is another type of paternity test that can be done pre-natally. It’s non-invasive but there are still some questions about its reliability.”
“It has to be absolutely certain, Marla. I’m positive of the parentage of this baby but I can’t put Joe through a false result. If it came back negative, even though I know Joe’s the father, I think it would totally destroy any chance of us being a family.”
“You can always wait until after the baby is born to do the paternity testing, although that means almost five months of not being able to give Joe absolute proof. I don’t believe you would ever cheat on Joe,” she comforted her friend. “But, Mari, you have to realize how it might look to him. This is big, Mari, really big. His faith may not be strong enough to accept that God really gave you guys a miracle.”
Mari nodded. “I know, Marla.” She lowered her head for a moment then looked up into Marla’s sympathetic eyes. “Unless it is absolutely necessary, I would prefer not to do an amnio. I realize that may not be what you would advise but I don’t want to take any chances on losing this baby.”
“You’re going to have to sign some waivers about the amnio. I can run some tests on the blood we drew to see if you may have any suspicious genetic markers. Obviously, it would be a good idea to run them on Joe too, but I doubt that’s going to happen.” She grimaced. “If you want a healthy baby you’re going to have to follow my orders.” She looked at Mari sternly and began ticking off instructions on her fingers. “First and foremost, you need to get some rest. I know how pressed you and Greg have been over the grant stuff. You need to take some time off and gain back some strength. Greg told me how sick you’ve been. You should have come to me months ago. I’ll write a script for some prenatal vitamins, as well.” She gave Mari an appraising look. “You could stand to gain a few pounds, not baby related.” She handed Mari a piece of paper. “I’m setting you up for an ultrasound this afternoon. I don’t want to waste any time. The tech can do it here, and give me the results. I’ll call you later tonight to discuss it. And pray, Mari. Remember, God is bigger than this.” After another comforting hug, Marla left the room and Mari got dressed. When she checked out at the front desk the nurse handed her a business card.
“That’s your time for the ultrasound. Make sure you have a full bladder when you arrive to be scanned.” Mari finished the paperwork and left the office. Her ultrasound was scheduled for two-thirty, which left her enough time to run to the pharmacy for the vitamins, then grab some lunch at home.
The drive to the pharmacy was fraught with tension. People drove like maniacs! She never realized how many crazy people were out there, although if she were honest with herself, there were times when her own driving was less than stellar. Today she drove as if carrying a delicate cargo of crystal. Mind still spinning by the time she pulled into the drive, Mari flew into the house. Dropping her purse on the kitchen table, Mari ran to the half bath off the dining room and promptly threw up. Not only was her mind spinning but her stomach was following suit. Hearing the confirmation of her pregnancy was both exciting and frightening and was playing havoc on her insides.
Dragging herself back to the kitchen, Mari looked longingly at the phone, wanting so much to call Joe and share her fear and excitement. But, considering his reaction when she told him the news and then yesterday’s argument, Mari knew calling Joe was not advisable right now. The thought that she may have to go through this pregnancy alone sent her rushing back to the bathroom.
When she finally emerged, Mari dropped into a kitchen chair and put her head down on her arms resting on the table. Sobs shook her body and tears wet her arms. She felt so alone and frightened. At a time when most women would be ecstatic with joy, Mari’s world was falling apart. She sat there, drawing in deep breaths, trying to calm herself. Marla told her stress would make the morning sickness symptoms worse and Mari felt horrible enough. Raising her head, she leaned back in her chair. She could almost hear her mother’s voice, asking what she planned to do.
“Oh, mom, I wish you were here. I need you,” Mari whispered out loud. Closing her eyes, she let the comforting memories of her mother flow over her. Susan Thompson had always been a woman of strong faith, and Mari drew comfort from that. She remembered all the times her mom had prayed for her dad when he was out on patrol, or when there was a big decision to be made. Despite the dangers of her husband’s profession, Susan had lived her faith and Mari was determined to follow in her mother’s footsteps. It would not be easy. Mari did not feel strong in her faith at the moment, but she knew God would not abandon her no matter how weak she was. She just needed to keep her focus on what was important.
“I have to pray for Joe,” Mari spoke the words aloud. “I have to pray that I’ll do and say the right things to him when we’re together.” She slid her purse over to her and grabbed the small notebook she carried inside then pulled out a pen. Flipping the book open to a blank page Mari began writing out a list of prayers and praise. Her mother had used this exercise to calm herself when she was feeling anxious. Susan taught Mari the benefits of writing to relieve her anxieties and Mari practiced it often. The routine of jotting down her worries and giving them over to the Lord soothed her ragged nerves and calmed her spirit. When she was finished, Mari read what she had written then put the notebook back in her purse. She would look back on it from time to time to remind herself of the many blessings she had, and to record the answers to her prayers.
After a light snack, Mari left for her afternoon appointment. She arrived for the ultrasound and was hustled almost immediately into the back room. Showing her to a changing room, the nurse instructed her to don yet another paper gown then left. After undressing and wrapping herself in another lame excuse for modest covering, Mari entered the exam room. The same woman was positioned next to a gurney and instructed Mari to lie on the table. The tech moved the front of the gown out of the way and squirted Mari’s abdomen with a glob of gel. The ultrasound pad glided smoothly through the gel and over her belly. Mari shivered not only because the gel was cold on her stomach but also in anticipation of what she was about to see. The tech turned the machine so it was facing Mari, and Mari watched in fascination as a picture of her baby was projected on the screen.
“Here’s one leg and here’s the other one,” the tech pointed out. “And you can see the baby’s heart beating here.”
Mari’s finger touched the screen where the tech pointed. Her baby’s heart. It was beating. There was really a baby in there. A true miracle. Tears of joy tempered with sadness filled her eyes. She was not sure Joe was ever going to acknowledge this miracle baby. He had been gone before she woke this morning. Although she had left a message on his cell phone voice mail earlier this morning about the doctor’s appointment he had not returned the call. She thought about calling him after she had seen Marla but could not think of what to say.
“Everything seems to be fine,” the tech’s voice brought Mary out of her musings. “The doctor will want to keep an eye on your level of amniotic fluid. It appears to be on the low side but still acceptable.”
“Is it a problem?” Mari worried.
“The note in your chart says you’ve been pretty sick. It could be something as simple as dehydration. Your doctor will let you know when she gets the results of the testing.” She rolled the machine away and helped Mari into a sitting position. She handed Mari a couple of Polaroid pictures. Mari took them, brow creased in confusion.
“I know these are supposed to be pictures of my baby, but I just don’t see it.”
The tech laughed. “Yeah, I get that a lot.” She pointed out the various features with a grin. “At least you’ll be able to fake it if anyone asks. Would you like to know the sex of the baby?” the tech asked. Mari shook her head, dazed. Too many things to think about. “If you change your mind, let me know. We can do another scan in a month or so to tell.” She helped Mari down from the exam table. “Go use the restroom and get dressed, then you’re free to go until a week from Monday.” At Mari’s questioning glance she added, “Your next doctor’s appointment.”
“Oh, yeah, right.”
After dressing and stopping at the front desk, Mari walked out into the bright sunshine. The warmth of the afternoon felt wonderful after the chill in the doctor’s office. She stood next to her SUV and turned her face up to the sun, eyes closed. A warm breeze bathed her body. Without volition, her hand made its way to rest on her abdomen. Her life might be in total chaos right now but at least her baby appeared to be healthy. She determined to keep it that way.
Climbing into her Escape, Mari sat staring into the distance, uncertain about how to spend the rest of her afternoon. It was not even three thirty yet. She seriously doubted Joe would be home any time soon and even if he was she was not sure she wanted to face him. Starting the car, she backed out of the parking space, and turned onto Hall Road . As she passed Lakeside Mall a smile tugged at her lips. Shopping. With work being so crazy and then the upheaval of what she assumed was a recurring flu bug, it had been ages since she had been to the mall. And, although she was not ready to buy a new wardrobe of maternity clothes, the pinch of her jeans on her belly meant that she needed clothes that would gracefully hide her pregnancy for a bit.
At four in the afternoon the mall was not too crowded and Mari had a pleasant time roaming from store to store. She purchased a pair of jeans the next size up that fit well enough, and a couple of loose shirts. Walking past the bookstore, Mari wandered in and meandered back to the woman’s section where she picked up a book on pregnancy. She leafed through several before she found a couple that she decided to purchase. Adding that bag to the others she carried, Mari left the bookstore and headed towards her car.
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