Chapter Four
When Joe failed to come home before Mari fell asleep Tuesday night, worry gnawed at the edges of her consciousness although she did her best to convince herself there was nothing unusual about the situation. Joe was just working late and would be home soon. The fact that she had dropped a bombshell on him and he was not home was just a coincidence.
When Mari dragged herself to bed at eleven Wednesday night he still had not made an appearance and worry slipped over the edge to just this side of panic. She had no idea where he was, although if she had to guess she would bet that he was hiding out at his office. In order to pass the daytime hours and keep her mind off what might have happened to Joe, Mari funneled what energy she had into working around the house. Little chores that had been neglected because of work were taken care of; pulling weeds, cleaning out her closet, cleaning up in the backyard. The distraction worked well, for the most part. If she turned the volume up on her mp3 player loud enough, it was very effective in not allowing her to think.
The nausea that had plagued her for the past four months was less frequent now. Food, and the thought of actually eating it, became more appealing, especially anything that had a slight kick to it. Too much at one time brought the nausea back but she was able to eat small amounts all during the day, which helped increase her energy level. Mornings were spent working around the house then, when she began to tire, she rested out by the pool, soaking up the warmth of the sun. Her skin turned a golden brown and the dark circles around her eyes faded.
Both Wednesday and Thursday she waited expectantly for Joe to come home or call. She kept her cell phone close hoping he would at least let her know that he was all right. At night she ate her solitary dinner then worked on the computer in the den or watched television in the family room. When she went up to bed, she turned on the television, staying up as long as she could, but inevitably fell asleep within the first half hour. Her dreams were filled with agonized feelings of loneliness and fear that left her feeling anxious and exhausted when she woke.
The intensity of the worry finally reached flash point. Mari could not stand it any longer and peeked into the guest room for clues to Joe’s activities. Clothes were strewn across the bed and chair in typical Joe fashion; a dirty towel hung on the closet door knob. Mari sighed with relief, although it was possible he had done all that damage the evening he left since she had not looked into this room since the morning after their last argument. She closed the door and headed down to the kitchen. The inside of the fridge did not look much different than it had earlier in the week, but then again she had not done any grocery shopping in awhile so the pickings were slim, anyway. A check of the coffee supply showed that it was definitely lower than the last time she looked and since she rarely drank coffee, had actually not had any since before Joe came home, Joe was the only possibility.
Friday morning dawned with no visual sign of her husband other than the dirty clothes and dwindling coffee supply. Quietly shutting the door of the guest room, Mari came to the conclusion that the only way she was going to be able to speak with him was to beard the lion in his den, so to speak. Donning a pair of slacks, she grimaced when she was not able to get them buttoned. Blowing her bangs in frustration, she left it and pulled on a loose shirt to cover the unbuttoned pants, then did her best to mask her restless night with makeup.
The drive downtown allowed her time to plan what she wanted to say to Joe when she confronted him in his office. Mari pulled into a visitor parking spot, leaning back against the seat. Bowing her head, she offered up a quick prayer before making her way up to the fifth floor, which housed the offices where Joe worked. She walked into the reception area, waving to the receptionist on her way to Joe’s office. Joe’s secretary gave her a curious look then motioned her through with a smile.
“What are you doing here?” Joe demanded in a harsh whisper when he lifted his head and saw his wife standing in the doorway. “I don’t want you here.”
Mari stopped short just inside the office. The words Joe spoke and the tone in which they were spoken shocked her into momentary immobility. Her husband had never before used that tone of voice with her nor had he ever told her he did not want her around. Fast on the heels of the shock came swift, gut-clenching anger. She was Joe’s wife, not some annoying pest to be brushed off and she refused to be treated as such. “Tough. I wouldn’t have come here if you came home at a decent hour once in awhile.” Looking back to see Joe’s secretary watching them, Mari stepped farther into the office and shut the door smartly.
“There was no reason to do that,” Joe insisted, panic causing his voice to rise. He did not want to be alone with or talk to his wife right now.
“Oh, there is a reason all right. I would rather not have the whole world know our business,” she explained, her voice maddeningly rational.
The tone of her voice made Joe wince. Mari rarely used that exact tone, usually saving it for when she thought someone was being extremely thickheaded about something. She had never used it with him. Straightening his spine he spit out, “We have no business for anyone to know.”
“Really, Joe?” When he did not respond, Mari’s annoyance level kicked up a notch. “Fine, then. I didn’t want anyone to know we are fighting.”
“We aren’t fighting,” Joe insisted.
That did it. Annoyance slid into hot irritation. “Then what exactly do you call it, Joe?” Mari demanded, coming to stand in front of him. “You haven’t spoken a word to me in nearly a week. You don’t return any of my phone calls. You make sure you come home so late I’m sleeping and leave before I’m up in the morning, if you come home at all.” She ticked off the items on her fingers. “If this isn’t fighting, what is it?”
“Self preservation.”
“What exactly is that supposed to mean?”
Joe ran his hands through his already mussed blonde hair, leaving it standing on end. Desperation tinged his voice as he said, “I need to be away from you to think properly.”
“And have you been thinking?”
“Yes. I’m thinking that I can’t deal with this.” The pitch of his voice rose higher still. “You make it sound so easy, Mari. God gave us a miracle, you say. But miracles don’t happen to me. If they did, I would have had a mother and a father who loved each other and stayed together.” Joe turned away from her to face the window, missing the look of compassion Mari could not hold back at his words. “Even though I didn’t really know Him, I asked God for that Mari. When I finally did come to know Him I prayed He would minimize the damage the mumps had caused because I really did want a family despite what had happened with my parents. In the ten years we’ve been married we have never used birth control. We made love at all times of the month and you were regular as clockwork.”
He turned back to her, blue eyes clouded in confusion and hurt. “I know that sometimes His answer is no and I accepted that I was not going to have a family. Now you’re asking me to believe that after all this time God would allow me to make you pregnant. That’s just too much for me to accept. It’s not the Christmas story here, you know. We aren’t Zachariah and Elizabeth. Or Joseph and Mary, for that matter. God isn’t going to supernaturally make you pregnant. This is the real world.”
Mari’s mouth dropped open in disbelief. “The real world? You’re telling me you don’t believe that was real?”
“That is not what I meant. I believe that the Lord was born through Mary conceiving from the Holy Spirit. As much as I might want to, since the alternative just kills me, I don’t believe your pregnancy was brought about through the Holy Spirit.”
“You are so frustrating, Joe.” The foot Mari stomped made no noise on the lush carpeting of Joe’s office which only added to her ire. “You believe, you don’t believe. You want to believe, you can’t believe. Make up your stupid mind!” Mari spit out the words then spun around and stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind her.
Joe collapsed into his chair and dropped his head in his hands. This first encounter with his wife after her announcement Monday and their argument Tuesday had not gone as he had hoped. He had purposefully stayed away from the house as much as possible this week to avoid having a confrontation with his wife until he had had time to assimilate what she had told him. He had not thought she would actually force a meeting in his office, although after ten years he should have remembered she was not one to dodge a difficult subject.
His mind was a tangle of thoughts and emotions. He felt like he was on a roller coaster that would not stop no matter how much he cried to get off. There were so many conflicting emotions vying for prominence in his head. If he did not get some relief soon he felt it would explode. Grabbing his cell phone, he hit the speed dial, heart hammering. He waited in trepidation until his call was answered. After a brief conversation, he left the office telling his very curious secretary he would be out for the rest of day.
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