Chapter Twenty
The week following the holiday dragged for Joe. Work was work and he had quite a bit of it, but that was the extent of his life and it was beginning to wear on him. By Thursday afternoon he was ready to call Ray and tell him he was taking some time off.
“Hey, Joe,” Ray popped his head through Joe’s office door almost as if Joe had somehow telepathically summoned him. “Tanya and the kids left this morning for Austin
“Like that will happen,” Joe scoffed. He hesitated a moment, unsure of an answer. In the weeks he had been down in Houston
“Sure,” he finally agreed. “I’ll stop and pick up some wings on my way over.”
“Just make them mild this time, will ya? My mouth was burning for a week after the last ones you brought over.”
Joe smiled. He was not tremendously fond of super hot wings himself, but Ray had been making fun of his mid-western eating habits. Eating mega hot buffalo wings was the only way he could think of to prove he could hang with the Texan.
They agreed on a time and Ray went back to his office. Joe placed a phone order for the wings on his way out of the office. Driving through rush hour traffic left him feeling tense. Arriving home, he dropped his coat on the end of the couch, breathing a sigh of relief that he had made plans tonight. One more night alone in this apartment might send him right over the edge. His own company was definitely beginning to wear on him. The loneliness of this separation from Marilee was tearing him apart.
Unable to stop himself, he shifted his gaze to the phone to check for messages. Mari had not called since he had been here, so Joe was not surprised to find the only message from the dry cleaners telling him his suits were ready. Disappointment gnawed at his belly, irritating him. Why did he expect to hear from his wife when they had parted so badly? He had told her he needed time to think without her being around. He bit back a sigh before walking back to the bedroom to change his clothes.
It was a short ride to Ray’s from his apartment, which was a blessing. His mind was whirling already and if he spent any more time wondering what Mari was doing he was going to drive himself crazy. Ray and the game would be a welcome distraction from himself, as long as Ray did not decide to probe. Yeah, like that’s going to happen, he grimaced to himself as he strode up the walkway.
Ray greeted him cheerfully at the front door when Joe knocked. He glanced down at the bag Joe held, hesitating before he reached out to grab it.
Joe grinned. “It doesn’t bite, Ray,” he laughed. “It won’t burn either. I got mild kookaburra wings from Outback.”
“Good,” Ray sighed in relief. “My stomach and I thank you.”
Ray deposited the bag on the coffee table in the family room and gestured towards a chair. “What will you have to drink?” he asked as he headed into the kitchen.
“Just give me a Coke,” Joe called, taking two boxes of wings out of the bag. He pulled the coffee table closer to the couch and sat back. A glass of Coke appeared over his shoulder followed by Ray.
Aiming the remote at the television, Ray settled back on the couch with a plate of wings in his lap. He sighed in contentment, grinning at Joe. “This feels good. Work has been a bear lately, hasn’t it?”
Joe paused, a wing half way to his mouth. “I haven’t noticed anything different. What’s up?”
“Nothing a bit of time and a lot of patience won’t handle. I have a couple of jumpy clients. They expect miracles and I can’t give them one.”
“What do they want?”
“They want life to be perfect. They want all their problems solved instantaneously without any work on their part. I’ve had to tell them a few things they did not want to hear.”
“I bet they loved that.”
“Yeah. As a Christian I know I should be compassionate and non-judgmental, but they are driving me nuts with their reasons why they did what they did. It’s been a real test this week.”
Joe averted his eyes. A wave of guilt hit him. He was so caught up in his own little world of anger and hurt that he was not even aware that a man he claimed as a friend was struggling so much. Not that Joe could do anything for him. How could he give advice when he was trying to deal with his own problems?
Ray watched his friend closely. He knew there was something bothering Joe. His very presence in Houston attested to the fact there was a problem back in Michigan
“So what is this problem that has you so torn up, Joe?” he asked bluntly.
“Mari’s pregnant.” The words were torn out of him in a voice rife with pain and anger.
“And that’s a problem?”
“I had the mumps when I was in high school and it left me sterile. If Mari is pregnant, the baby can’t be mine.”
“You’re sure about that?”
Joe jumped up, wing box flying. “What do you mean, am I sure? Of course I’m sure.”
“Relax. I’m just trying to get the details, Joe. By the way you’re acting you obviously weren’t going through artificial insemination.”
“No. My doctor didn’t think it was worth it.” Joe sank back down on the couch, the sudden surge of adrenaline leaving him limp with exhaustion.
“So you think there’s someone else?”
“She denies it, but there’s no other explanation. We’ve been married ten years and never once used protection.” He looked over at Ray. “She told me she was pregnant the day I got home from Houston
“Did you ask her about it?”
“Why? I saw what I saw. No explanations were needed.”
Ray sat back. Definite problems. “I’m sorry, Joe.”
“Not your fault. I shouldn’t have spent so much time away from home.”
“You talked to her every day. Did she resent your time away that much?”
“I didn’t think so. But then again, you never know.” His voice lowered. “She must have gotten pregnant right after I left.”
“That soon? Did she have a one night stand or was it something longer?”
“I have no idea. I just know that she’s having a baby that isn’t mine and I have no idea what to do about it.”
“What do you want to do about it,” Ray asked.
“I don’t think I can handle raising some other man’s kid,” Joe announced. He grimaced when he heard those words come out of his mouth. It was his dad all over again.
Ray flipped off the television and turned to Joe. “Think carefully, Joe,” he warned. “Don’t cut ties with Mari out of hurt or anger.” He looked Joe straight in the eyes. “See that picture there?” he asked Joe, pointing to a frame on the end table next to the couch. “That’s my daughter Eliza,” he started.
“What about her?” Joe prompted when it did not appear Ray was going to finish.
Taking a long, deep breath Ray said, “She isn’t mine.”
“What do you mean by that? She looks just like you.”
“No, Joe, she doesn’t. People see that because they believe that we are father and daughter. But Eliza is not my biological daughter.” When Joe only looked at him in confusion Ray went on. “Tanya and I had some real problems when we were first married. We weren’t Christians and tried to solve our differences in ways that make me shudder when I think about them now.” He closed his eyes against the pain the memories caused. “Things were so tough I had an affair shortly after we were married, just to relieve the stress of having to go home to my wife,” he admitted. “Tanya’s idea of all’s fair made her go out and do the same. It was just a one night stand and within a week of that happening we actually decided we would try to save our marriage. But she got pregnant. When she found out she was horrified and so ashamed. She tried to kill herself. That’s when we came to know Christ. One of the nurses on her floor sat down and prayed for her, prayed for us. I had never known peace before, but she was so peaceful. I wanted it. Tanya wanted it.
“When Tanya was able to go home, we found a church, found a pastor to counsel us. The baby was large in her by then and such a reminder of what she, we, had done. But I loved my wife and we worked hard at rebuilding our relationship. Tanya hadn’t done anything that I hadn’t done, but the consequences for her were so much more. God had forgiven me my sin, how could I hold anything Tanya had done against her when I was part of the reason she sinned in the first place?
“But still I struggled because deep inside I resented that baby. Up until the day Eliza was born I resented her. But when I saw my wife struggle to bring that new life into the world, when that little infant was laid in my arms, I cried out to God for forgiveness. Eliza had not done a thing to deserve my hatred of her. That day I promised her I would be the father she needed me to be because she was mine, maybe not of my body, but of my heart.”
Ray sat back, energy spent. He had not told that story to many people, but he knew the Holy Spirit was urging him to share it with Joe, who was now grappling with the same emotions Ray had lived through years ago. When he looked up, Joe was staring at him. His eyes were cloudy, rife with emotion.
“How did you live through that?”
“By the grace of God, and only by His grace.”
“Marilee Rose Conley!”
Mari was just about to put her knee on the counter when her boss’s shriek startled her so much she had to grab hold of the shelf in front of her to keep from falling backwards. “Geez,” she cried, putting her free hand on her heart. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” she demanded when she turned her head to glare at Greg.
“I might ask you the same question,” he retorted as he came over and plucked her off her perch, setting her firmly on the floor. “Next time you decide to go climbing on rolling chairs, don’t.”
“I was perfectly fine until you came in here screeching like a banshee.”
“You’re eight months pregnant, woman! You aren’t exactly balanced, and right now I mean that both physically and mentally,” Greg growled, glaring down at his recalcitrant research assistant.
“I admit I’m a little more cumbersome than I used to be, but I’m perfectly capable of getting what I need.”
“A little more cumbersome? Mari—you’re the size of a Volkswagon and about as tall.”
Her eyes narrowed dangerously. “Would you care to rephrase that?”
Greg ignored her. “No.” When she stalked towards him he backed up defensively. “Okay, maybe you are a little taller.” He put his hands up to ward her off. “The point is, you can’t be climbing on things as unstable as a rolling lab chair. In fact, I don’t care if it’s a stepping stool. You should not be climbing on things, period. You’ll fall and hurt yourself or the baby.”
The fact Mari knew he was right did not make it any easier to give in, although she did, albeit rather ungraciously. Greg did not care. He had just won a major concession and was pleased with his victory. Now if he could just get her to take longer lunch hours and shorter days and rest, but that was a battle for another time.
“Let’s go get some lunch,” he suggested. “I’ll treat.”
“You always treat and you know it.”
“Yeah, makes me feel macho.”
“You’re such a goof,” Mari smiled. She slipped into the coat Greg was holding for her. “Just for that, you can take me to Majestic. I’m craving a chicken ceaser salad.”
“Walk or drive?” Greg asked as they stepped into the elevator.
“Will you be annoyed if I say drive? My feet are killing me.”
Greg hid his worry. “Not a problem. I even promise not to give you a hard time about being lazy.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Any time.”
Lunch passed pleasantly. They discussed Greg’s current research project and some of the experiments that might be of benefit. Greg watched her unobtrusively as they talked, noticing the dark circles under her hazel eyes and the sadness that lurked there. When the meal was over and they drove back to the Research Center
“My stuff is in the lab.”
“You have your purse, that’s all you need since you’re not going to think about work when you go home.”
“Is that an order?”
“Of course it is. What’s the use of having a doctorate if I can’t boss someone around?”
“One of these days, Dr. Wilson, I’m going to get a doctorate of my own. Then what are you going to do?”
“I’m so worried,” he shuddered dramatically, hand over his heart.
“Oh stop! I’ll go home like a good little girl, and maybe even take a nap.”
“You do that. If you need anything, give me a call.”
“Thanks, Greg,” Mari said as she opened the door. She leaned her head back in. “For everything.”
“What are friends for?” When Mari had gotten into her car, Greg backed up letting her out. He pulled into her spot. “Yes,” he whispered, “what are friends for?”
When Greg went back up to his office, he sat for a few minutes deep in thought. He had allowed Joe almost two months to come to his senses, but time was running out for Mari. The baby was due in a month. Sitting up resolutely, he turned to his computer and began typing.
“Come home you moron,” Joe read the subject line of the email from Greg and smiled despite himself. Greg was generally a very tactful person, but he did not mince words when he considered it necessary. It was one of the reasons Joe liked him so much. But Joe could not come home. Not yet.
He had finally broken down and told Ray about his marital problems just yesterday. Ray had been sympathetic but had told him without mincing words that running away was not going to solve the dilemma he faced. Ray offered the counsel of his pastor, but Joe refused. He was not ready to deal with his own failings as a husband just yet. It was easier to keep placing all the blame on Mari.
The body of Greg’s email pierced him. “She needs you,” he had written. What that meant Joe really did not know and was not sure he wanted to. It raised so many questions. Did it mean that her lover had left her just as his mother’s lover had left her? Was she missing Joe as much as he missed her? Was she still sick?
Joe groaned, not wanting to worry about Mari, but unable to stop it. She’s a grown woman, he told himself. She made her choices and now she has to live with the consequences. But he acknowledged to himself that at least one of those choices was thrust on her. She had not planned on Joe leaving. There are people there to take care of her, his inner voice insisted. They had many friends who would be there for her. But his conscience kept reminding him that taking care of his wife was his responsibility.
He hit the reply button, typed the words “Not yet,” and hit send. He left the office and went back to his apartment. After making himself dinner, he sat at the breakfast bar where he ate alone, again.
When dinner was done and the few dishes stacked in the dishwasher Joe picked up his Bible from the breakfast bar where it sat, and retreated to the couch. His Bible reading had been sporadic at best over the last couple months. Where once the truths had given him comfort, now they just seemed to mock him. The shock of Mari’s announcement and the fallout that followed had turned Joe away from the faith that had once given him comfort. He felt abandoned by the One he was supposed to be able to count on. Flipping the book open to the Psalms he began to read. He echoed David’s cry for refuge from his troubles, and for the first time in what seemed like such a long time he felt a faint flicker of peace. Hours later when his eyelids began to droop he laid the book down on his chest and drifted into a dreamless sleep.
A loud thud woke Joe with a start. He jerked into a sitting position, heart racing, to see his Bible lying on the floor. His reached down to grab it and noticed a folded sheet of paper had fallen out of the book. Picking it up, he opened it, seeing the note from his wife, dated the day before he left for Houston
“Joe,” the crisp, clean lines of her writing stated, “I wish you didn’t have to go. I miss you more and more every time you leave for a business trip. But I do understand that the work has to be done so don’t feel guilty about leaving. I’ll be waiting at home with open arms when you get back. Love always, Mari.” He remembered reading that note on the plane trip down to Houston
It did not sound like a note from someone cheating on her spouse, but Joe supposed it could have been just a good cover. Setting the note and his Bible on the coffee table Joe went to bed, praying he would be able to sleep.
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