By the time Joe and Mari met back up, he was seething with impatience and it was well past midnight. Joe could tell Mari was fading fast and hustled her out the door before anyone else could stop them. It was quiet on the ride home, not quite comfortable but different from the usual tension filled silence. He pulled up in the drive and got out of the car. He helped her out, holding her tightly when she stumbled. After they entered the house he gently turned her to face him before letting go.
“We need to talk, Mari,” he stated softly. She regarded him, her hazel eyes made dark by exhaustion. He reached over to brush an escaped piece of hair behind her ear. “I know you’re tired, so we’ll wait until tomorrow, but there’s so much I want to talk about.”
Mari smiled tenderly. To his surprise she reached up and kissed his cheek. “We’ll talk tomorrow, Joe,” she promised and turned and walked up the stairs.
When she was out of sight Joe walked into the living room and sank into a chair. He leaned his head back and stared up at the dark ceiling. The pressure he felt to resolve his marriage problems weighed on his heart. Since his last conversation with Pastor Mark, Joe had spent a great deal of time by himself, musing on his parents’ marriage and the mistakes they had made. He wanted to believe Mark’s theory that they had not worked at saving their marriage. The thought brought feeling of anger then a stab of guilt. He had done nothing to improve his own marriage, what right did he have to blame his mother or father for failing to save their broken marriage? It was time to tell Mari the truth, to confess to her about his childhood, his parents, their divorce, his fear that what was happening now was a replay of all those events.
His heart ached with longing to be with his wife, for the way things used to be, before he found out about Mari’s pregnancy. But he knew there was no going back. If he wanted to save this marriage he would have to move past the hurt and chose to love despite the circumstances.
“Can this child really be mine, Lord?” he whispered out loud. “Will I really be a father?” Joe’s eyes closed and he fell asleep in the chair.
A ringing phone startled Joe out of a sound sleep. His hand reached for the extension on the end table. He glanced at his watch as he hit talk. Seven-thirty in the morning, he saw, biting back a groan. “Conley residence,” he rasped out in a voice thick with sleep.
“Could I speak to Marilee, please,” a male voice asked.
“She isn’t available right now,” Joe ground out, wide awake now. “Can I take a message?”
“Ah, no message.” There was a click and the call was disconnected. Joe fought for control. There was a man, he raged inside. She was seeing someone else. About to spring from his chair, he noticed Mari coming down the stairs.
“Hey, Joe,” she said softly, sleep still filling her voice. “Did I hear the phone ring?”
“Yes,” he said flatly.
Mari gave Joe a strange look. “Is there something wrong?”
“You mean besides the obvious?” he snarled, staring at her bulging belly underneath her robe.
“Joe what is wrong with you?”
“Nothing is wrong with me!” Joe shouted, stomping into the kitchen. He began throwing together the makings for coffee, ignoring his wife who had come in behind him.
Mari stared at him for a moment. “You said you wanted to talk last night. Is now not a good time?”
Joe whirled around. “Why wouldn’t it be a good time?”
“For Pete’s sake, Joe!” Mari cried, now fully awake. “What is the deal?”
“Deal? I’ll tell you what the deal is, Mari. My wife, who vowed to honor and cherish, is pregnant.” He reached for her, grabbing her arms in a tight grip. “I can’t have children Mari!” he shouted, shaking her slightly. Mari’s eyes grew round and when Joe saw the fear in them he dropped his hands, disgusted at himself. “Sorry,” he muttered, turning back to the coffee maker.
Mari rubbed her arms where he had held her. Joe had never grabbed her in such a manner before and Mari was worried, both for her and for him. He was reaching a breaking point and she had no idea what to do. Last night she had felt such hope. Joe had seemed almost excited when he told her there were things they needed to talk about. What had happened to change how he was this morning?
She walked over to him and hesitantly touched his shoulder. He stiffened but didn’t turn around. “I know this is hard, Joe,” she said softly. “I know this is stretching your faith. It’s stretching mine, too. But I love you. I have loved you since I first saw you and I would not do anything to risk losing you. But we can’t change this and it’s not just going to go away. The baby is inside me and growing every day.” She stepped back, letting her hand fall. “God gave us a miracle, Joe.”
Joe turned to face her, his face haggard. “I want to believe you Mari, I do. But it’s so hard. I see that child growing in your belly and I’m filled with rage that you would let another man touch you. It frightens me, the anger I feel. I’m not sure I can control it.”
His words frightened Mari, but also filled her will a deep sense of sadness. “Have you talked to anyone about it?”
“No one who can explain to me why my wife is carrying someone else’s child.”
“This isn’t just about the baby, Joe. You know it isn’t. It’s about faith and hope and trust. Why can’t you just believe?”
Joe’s blue eyes hardened. “You make it sound so easy, Mari. Like you’re some perfect little Christian. Maybe some of us aren’t as perfect as you.”
“You can turn this back on me as much as you want, Joseph Conley, but I’m not the one throwing away ten years of marriage because I don’t believe in miracles.”
“Maybe I am throwing everything away. But I wonder how you would take it if you found out I had an affair. Easy enough considering all the time I’ve had to be away lately.” He watched as Mari’s eyes narrowed. “Makes you wonder doesn’t it?” he questioned as he turned and walked away.
Mari followed him out of the kitchen and grabbed his arm. He looked at her over his shoulder. “You’re telling me you had an affair?”
“I’m not telling you anything.” He shook off her hand and went up the stairs. “I am going to work.”
Mari stood at the bottom of the stairs, shock and anger warring within her. She was fairly positive Joe had not had an affair, but there was still a shadow of doubt. The last year or so he had been out of town a lot with work, so truthfully, the opportunity was there. But I trust him, Mari told herself, looking up to where he had been a few moments earlier. I do trust him, she affirmed. She turned around and went back into the kitchen, knowing she needed to eat before any queasiness set in.
She was seated at the breakfast bar dejectedly munching a piece of toast when Joe came back into the kitchen. “I’ll be late,” he said. “Don’t wait up.” He tossed an apple and banana into his briefcase. “I didn’t have an affair, Mari.”
“I know,” she responded, looking up at him. “I didn’t either.”
Joe didn’t say anything, the earlier phone call mocking him. A moment later he was gone.
Mari threw her spoon into the sink, giving vent to her anger and frustration. Why would the man not listen to her, she cried silently. Tears streaked down her cheeks and she angrily wiped them away. She had spent the last weeks doing her best to understand what was happening between her and Joe. She was giving him as much slack as she could, but the toll it was taking on her was great. The pressure of trying to keep their marriage together was causing her head and body to ache beyond what she thought was healthy. She has been feeling cramps in her back and legs the last couple days, and just now her stomach was beginning to knot uncomfortably.
Marla was going to have kittens at Mari’s next doctor’s appointment. Right now, her first priority was to calm down and relax her body, which was going to be easier said then done. She was not going to make Sunday school this morning, so Mari decided a warm shower was in order before church. She let the soothing water flow over her head as she leaned up against the tiled wall of the shower stall. Joe had been angrier than usual this morning. What could have set him off? she wondered. Last night Joe seemed almost as if he wanted to save their marriage, then this morning he was off the charts furious. He had been angry even before she had come downstairs, so it was not anything she said or did, as far as she could tell. Mari wondered if the phone call had anything to do with it. Joe never did tell her who had called. She wondered if it had been Greg’s nephew, who was home from college for the weekend. He was supposed to call her this morning to let her know when he could come by and mow the lawn for her. With the cooler weather it had not needed to be cut in a couple of weeks but Mari wanted it done one more time before the end of the season. She was too exhausted to do it herself and Joe showed no inclination to be home during daylight hours. When Greg mentioned his nephew would be home this weekend, she asked him to come by to do it. She would have to call him after church to set up a time.
Mari dressed hurriedly and rushed out the door. She was running late as it was and did not want to walk into the service any later than was necessary. When she pulled into the parking lot, she let out a deep breath. She needed to calm herself before she went in. Exiting her car, she breathed in the crisp fall air. It was a beautiful fall day. The sun shone bright. Multi-colored leaves rustled in the trees. Mari leaned up against her car and gazed into the sky. It was so blue, reminding her of Joe’s eyes. His eyes were one of the first things that had attracted her to him. They were so amazing. When their gazes locked that first time across the student commons Mari had not been able to look away. A well-placed elbow in the ribs by her roommate was the only thing that got her attention enough for her to drag her eyes away. By the time she had looked back the person belonging to those incredible eyes was already gone.
A smile flitted briefly across her features as she remembered the time she had had chasing down the blue-eyed boy, the name given to him by her roommate. In the end, the boy had found her and so began a wonderful courtship. Mari sighed as she recalled their first date, their first kiss. Things had been so uncomplicated back then. She had always thought she and Joe were both uncomplicated people. She never would have guessed that their lives would be turned so upside down.
Mari shook her head before heading into the church. This is your life now, she reminded herself. Get on with it.
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