Chapter Fourteen
Their next meeting with Mark Nolan was scheduled for Tuesday morning. Joe had not seen Mari since their confrontation Sunday afternoon. He spent the rest of the evening in his room, television turned on loud enough that he could not hear if Mari were moving around or not. He did not want to think of her, of the child she carried, of the betrayal of their marriage vows. When he left for work Monday morning, Joe took a suitcase with him and had not returned to the house. He still shook with anger when he thought about the man leaving his house Sunday afternoon, but he refused to ask Mari who it was. It was enough that there had been a man in their home without his knowledge.
He spent most of Monday locked in his office, doing little work but spending most of his time staring out the window waffling about whether he would attend the counseling session the next day. Tuesday dawned, and after a restless night spent on the couch in his office, he decided he had had enough. The time had come for him to make some serious decisions regarding his life and staying in Michigan
Mari looked over at Mark as he spoke into the phone. Joe was not coming. She knew just by the look on Mark’s face. Mari was not surprised. Joe was gone before she woke on Monday morning and had not been home since. She had peeked into the guest room and noticed his overnight bag missing from the closet and some toiletries from the guest bathroom. Mari had done nothing to contact him. She had thought about what had caused this latest outburst and could only guess that he had seen Greg’s nephew leaving the house Sunday afternoon. From his actions, she assumed Joe believed that this man was her lover. She made no attempt to contradict that assumption. She was so tired of having to defend her actions against his paranoia.
Leaning back against the cushion of the chair Mari closed her eyes. Her emotions were all over the place lately and she was exhausted. And sick again. After this appointment with Mark, she had an appointment with Marla, who she was sure was going to chew her out about taking care of herself. A sigh escaped. Life was just so hard right now.
Mark watched Mari, worry in his eyes. He knew something was very wrong. Joe’s non-attendance at this meeting did not bode well for reconciliation. Mari was pale and tense sitting across from him. It was obvious something had happened since he had seen them together at Jordan
He rose and walked over to Mari’s chair. He kneeled down next to her chair and gently shook her awake. Her eyes opened slowly.
“He’s not coming is he?” she asked quietly.
“No. I’m sorry, Mari.”
“It’s not your fault, Mark.” She leaned forward in the chair resting her arms on her thighs. Dejection poured out of her. “I knew he wouldn’t.”
“What happened, Mari?”
“Saturday night, after the wedding, he almost seemed upbeat. He told me he wanted to talk, but by the time we were able to get away from the reception I was so tired. He said we would talk in the morning but when I came downstairs Sunday morning he was so angry. The only thing I can think of is the phone call.” When Mark looked at her questioningly, she explained. “The phone actually woke me up that morning. Joe answered it. When I went downstairs to ask about it he was furious. He wouldn’t talk about it, just went on about how he couldn’t have children then stormed out. When he came home Sunday afternoon, he was almost out of control. He yelled that I was just like his mother. I never even knew his mother had been alive when we were married. He told me about her affair, how she had gotten pregnant, and his dad leaving because of her. I was honestly afraid he was going to hurt me.”
Mark frowned. “He hit you?”
“No, no, nothing like that. But I think he really wanted to. I don’t think the anger was directed solely at me, but my pregnancy was just the kicker, you know? I haven’t seen him since then.”
Mark rose and went back to in his desk. This situation was getting out of control. If Joe had actually hurt Mari, there would be no turning back for him. “Do you have any idea where he is?”
“No. I assume a hotel. It’s possible he came back for clothes, but not so I’d notice.” Mari watched Pastor Mark. “Did you know about his parents?”
“He told me about two weeks ago. I was hoping he would tell you that afternoon we met but that didn’t happen. I don’t know what to tell you Mari.”
“You don’t have to tell me anything, Mark. This is Joe’s problem. As much as I want to help him, I can’t. He won’t let me.” She rose from her seat. “I know you tried, Mark,” she told him as she gathered her coat and purse. “There’s nothing either of us can do now, other than to pray for him.”
Mark walked with her to the church door. Putting his arms around her, he hugged her tightly. “God is good, Mari.”
“I know, Mark,” she whispered. “I know.” Pulling away from him she sighed. “We’ll get through this somehow.”
“Take care, Mari. We’ll be praying for both you and Joe,” Mark told her as he watched her walk to her car. The slump of her shoulders told him how dejected she was. He sighed heavily. He had never felt so inadequate before.
“You did what you could,” Jennifer’s voice came from behind him.
Mark turned to see his wife leaning up against the wall. “What if it wasn’t enough?”
“Joe is in God’s hands, Mark, not yours, not even Mari’s.” She walked up to him and took his hand. “We’ll pray for him, but he has to find his own way in this.”
Taking her in his arms, he leaned his head down on hers. “How did you get to be so wise?”
“You know I’m the Proverbs thirty-one woman, don’t you?”
He laughed. “You are that.” Taking her hand he led her back to his office where they spent the next hour in prayer.
The rest of the week passed with no word from Joe. Mari was worried and on Thursday afternoon finally tried to reach him at the office. His secretary informed her that he was in a meeting. Later in the day she tried his cell phone, but it went straight to voice mail. The same thing happened Friday. Not sure of what she should do, Mari finally left a message for him to call her. She kept her cell phone on her at all times, but he never returned her call. Saturday passed with still no contact. Finally, on Sunday morning as Mari was sitting in the kitchen eating toast, Joe walked in from the garage.
He was rumpled, as if he had slept in his clothes, and looked so tired, Mari ached for him. There were dark circles under his blue eyes, which were devoid of expression. “Another temporary opening has come up in Houston
It was so quiet the hum of the refrigerator seemed loud in the silence. Mari dipped her head, not immediately responding. Words were just not coming. She was not quite sure what to say. When the original opening in Houston
Obviously things were different now with their estrangement and the baby on the way. Rising from her chair, the swell of her stomach nudged the counter. A protective hand rested on the swell as she walked to the sink and turned on the water. “When are you leaving?” she inquired, keeping her voice even with effort and busying her hands by rinsing off the dishes stacked in the sink and putting them in the dishwasher.
“Tonight.” The word dropped like a stone between them.
Her breath caught. “How long will you be gone?” she asked quietly.
“I don’t know. Six months, maybe longer.”
Biting her lips against the ache those words caused, Mari took a calming breath. The baby was due in three months. She would be going through the birth of their child alone. She had hoped Joe would come to his senses and realize she was telling the truth, but now it was obvious he did not want to be anywhere near her. Anger nudged the borders of her consciousness. “I hope you have a good trip.” She dried her hands on the dishtowel and brushed past him to go out the door.
Grabbing her arm as she moved by, Joe ground out, “Is that all you have to say?”
Mari turned on him, yanking her arm out of his grip. Hazel eyes blazed. “What do you want me to say, Joe?” She put a hand on her rounded stomach. “This baby is not going to go away. Whether you believe it or not, this is your baby. If you want to deny that and leave, fine, go ahead.”
He rounded on her in anger. “I don’t know what to believe, Mari! You tell me the baby is mine, but how am I supposed to accept that? You know as well as I do that I’m sterile. I can’t have children!” his voice rose and his eyes glittered. “And it’s killing me to know that you may have given yourself to someone else. You’re mine!” With those words he jerked her back into his arms. His lips came down on hers in a punishing kiss. He wanted to hurt her for all the pain she was causing him, but his love for her was so strong. In a matter of moments, the hard arms softened and the kiss turned from demanding to desperate. He knew he would surrender to his desire for her if it lasted any longer. Pushing her away from him, he glared down at her. Her face was pale, her lips swollen with his kiss, and he wanted more than anything to take away the pain in her eyes but his own pain was still too raw.
“I have to go.”
Joe’s voice grated against Mari’s ears. Despite the agony she felt, she wanted nothing more than to keep on kissing him. She missed him so much, missed the warmth and comfort of his arms around her. But he was so angry, so confused, there was nothing she could do to stop him leaving. Watching as he stomped up the stairs, she let out a strangled sob. Everything was such a mess. She slowly followed him up the stairs, remembering the advice Pastor Mark had given her. Be there for him. Let him see your love for him has not changed. Love him unconditionally. She had been trying to do those things for the past few weeks but Joe remained unconvinced. Until this past week he had been physically present at the house, but was emotionally distant. He spent a great deal of time at the office, using work as an excuse to stay away from home and church.
Watching as he tossed clothes into a suitcase, Mari could not help but notice how tired and dejected he appeared. His shoulders were stooped as if it were too difficult to stand up under the pressure of his troubles. When not filled with anger his eyes were dull and sad. He had lost weight in the past couple months. He had always been slim and well toned, but now he almost appeared gaunt.
Although she was exasperated by his handling of this whole situation, she was also very worried. Joe showed the world a tough exterior, but she knew he was an extremely sensitive person, easily hurt, and he felt she had hurt him. She could not stop him from leaving, but she would not let him leave without letting him know how much she loved him.
“I don’t know what to tell you, Joe,” Mari said as she watched him from the doorway. “Miracles happen. No matter what you believe I would never cheat on you.”
Joe did not turn around. “I don’t know what to believe Mari. I’m angry and that’s wrong, I know, but I can’t help it right now. Yes, I know miracles happen, but not to me.” His voice was weary. He finally turned to her to look her full in the face. “I need to leave, Mari. I need this time to come to grips with everything that’s happening and to decide what to do about it.”
The look on his face sent a shiver of disquiet through her. “What do you mean ‘what to do about it’?”
“I think I want a divorce, Mari,” the words were soft.
“A divorce?” she whispered. She was stunned.
“I won’t make any type of decision right away. But I also can’t stay here feeling the way I do. I want time to think. I want to get away from the pain I feel.”
Mari staggered over to the chair and sank into it. Her world was coming to an end. That was the only way to describe these feelings bursting through her. She glanced over at Joe who was watching her cautiously, probably thinking she was going to throw herself at him, or maybe out the window. Pulling herself together, she spoke carefully, keeping her tone even with great effort. “I don’t want you to leave, but if that’s what you need to do, okay. Just remember that in all the years we have known each other I have never lied to you. And I will always, always love you.” She rose and walked over to him. Taking his face tenderly between her hands Mari leaned up into him and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek. Her belly touched his body and she could feel the baby move against the pressure. “When you’re ready to come home, I’ll be here.” With those final words she walked out of the room.
From his position in the bedroom Joe heard the kitchen door close and Mari’s car start. He slipped over to the window and watched as the red SUV pulled out of the driveway. Mari was such a strong woman, always fighting for what she believed in. He had not expected her to give in so easily. In a way it disheartened him. She had not fought him at all.
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