Chapter Eight
“How has it been going for you this past week, Joe?” Mark Nolan asked as he gestured for Joe to take a seat. The man looked pale and tired, and Mark was worried about him.
“Mari and I went out to dinner last night,” Joe informed him. He abruptly changed the subject. “My mother had an affair when I was a kid. She wanted to have another child and my dad didn’t want to have any more.”
Joe’s statement momentarily stunned Mark into silence. He watched as Joe clenched his fists in his lap, so tightly his knuckles turned white. Strain was evident in both Joe’s body language and face. His lips were drawn in a tight line, his face pale. Then it hit him. This was the crux of Joe’s problem with Mari. Joe saw the anguish of his childhood being replayed in his own marriage. “Do you want to talk about that?” he asked gently.
“We were happy, my dad, mom, and me. At least I thought we were. When my mom got pregnant my dad left. He was so angry at her. She threw away everything because she couldn’t be content with the family she had.”
“Did you ever talk to her about it?”
Joe shook his head. “I didn’t know about the affair, not until I turned eighteen. But I knew her pregnancy was the reason my dad left. I was angry at both of them. My dad left and my mom turned into a zombie. She wouldn’t talk to anyone. On my eighteenth birthday I finally learned the truth. My dad called. I guess he felt I was a man now and deserved to know what women were really like. I asked him why he never wanted to have more children, but the only answer was ‘because.’ I mean, what kind of answer is that for a grown man,” Joe’s arms flapped in his agitation. “Then he insinuated that it was possible she had had an affair before and that I might not be his son. When I asked her about it later that day she denied it. She placed the blame squarely on my dad, saying basically that he stopped touching her after she got pregnant with me. Was she supposed to live her life without a man’s touch, she said. I just couldn’t take any more so I left that night. I never spoke to her again.”
“What ever happened to your dad?”
“I may have spoken to him twice since that night. He doesn’t exactly make me feel like he wants to chat.”
Mark shook his head sadly. There was so much unresolved anger in this man. “Have you ever forgiven them?”
“No.” The answer was emphatic.
“Doesn’t that trouble you, Joe? As a Christian we’re commanded to forgive seventy times seven.”
“My mom never asked for my forgiveness, Pastor Mark. She never once said she was sorry for breaking up our family. She spent more time mourning over the loss of that baby than she did about the pain she caused me. All my dad wanted was to forget and that included forgetting he had a son.”
“Are your parents Christians, Joe?”
“No.”
“I know I’ve asked you this before, but how did you become a Christian?”
Joe could not tell where Mark was going with this but answered anyway. “I met Glen Price my last year in high school. We played soccer together and started hanging out. It felt good being around him. His parents were great. I actually spent the last month or so of high school with them. After graduation Glen asked me to come with him to summer camp. He said he thought I would like it. I didn’t have anything better to do at the time, so I went. One of the counselors there started talking to me. He told me he saw how angry I was, how he had been just like that in high school. Then a friend had introduced him to Christ. He said all that anger eating him away inside vanished and he had felt at peace for the first time in years. I wanted that so much. When we got home, Glen and I talked. I didn’t understand how believing in Christ could change me but I was willing to try anything. I went to church with Glen and his family every Sunday, but I only started really listening to what the pastor was saying after I got back from camp. Just before I left for college, I realized how much I needed Christ in my life. He suffered so much for me, because of the sin in my life. I accepted Him as my Savior then.”
“What about your mom?”
“What about her?”
“If Christ forgave you for your sins, shouldn’t you have forgiven her for hers?”
“I didn’t think about it. I had a new family now, a family that wasn’t going to let me down. Then I met Mari and I just put it all behind me.”
“That’s the point, Joe. You tell me you put it behind you. But you never dealt with it. All the anger that was there when you were in high school? It’s still there, simmering. Mari’s pregnancy has brought it to the surface and because you’ve never dealt with it, it’s just grown larger.”
“What exactly do you suggest I do?”
“This time you can’t push it away. You have to deal with it. Forgive your parents. You weren’t meant to carry all this bitterness around with you. Forgive them and move on.”
“My mother is dead, Pastor.” The words were thrown out like darts. “How is forgiveness going to help her now?”
“Not help her, Joe. Help you.”
“I don’t follow.”
“She’s dead, but you’re not. Your refusing to forgive her for the pain she caused you has become like a millstone around your neck. It weighs you down. For awhile you were able to carry it, but now that you’re facing another very difficult situation it’s become even heavier. Give it up to Him, Joe. Christ can take that burden from you. ‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.’ Jesus tells us that in Matthew. He tells us that we will find rest for our souls. Rest in Him, Joe.”
“I don’t know how, Pastor Mark. I just don’t know how.”
Before Mark could respond, Joe rose. “I don’t want to talk about this now. I’ve got to go.” He walked out the door and Mark felt such sadness. The man was so lost in the pain of the boy, Mark wasn’t sure Joe could find his way out. He bent his head and prayed as he had never before.
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